


Bagen

by bukittyan



Category: Houshin Engi
Genre: Gen, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-12
Updated: 2013-03-12
Packaged: 2017-12-05 03:13:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/718219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bukittyan/pseuds/bukittyan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He would do anything for his father's love, even become a monster. But was it enough?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bagen

BAGEN

 

The auditorium was packed. There was barely breathing space between two people in the audience. Bagen was glad he was in the front row, sitting in a comfortable space between two classmates, and not stuffed among the crowd. The headmaster continued his long speech, oblivious to the rows of sleeping students (and parents) as he did so. Bagen wasn't paying attention either. His palms sweated as he contemplated being rude enough to turn around to scan the audience. /He had to have come/ he thought as the headmaster's speech slowly wound to a closure. /I told him three weeks ago. I even put the ticket on his notebook. Front row seat and everything. It isn't everyday I win such a prestigious award./ He was so preoccupied with his thoughts that he didn't hear his name being called. "Hey!" a classmate nudged him fiercely. "That's you!"

Swallowing, Bagen stood. As he walked towards the headmaster he quickly glanced towards the seat, heart thumping with hope.

It was empty.

He heard the thunder of applause as he received his award, but it no longer mattered. 

* * *

"I'm home!" Bagen called out as he entered his house. As usual, it seemed empty, a hollow echo of a home. Lately his father had taken to spending all his time in the lab, and seemed to live there.

Bagen stepped quietly, making no more noise than a ghost would. He had grown accustomed to the silence in the house. He headed towards the kitchen, wondering if his father had eaten breakfast. The plates lay on the table, untouched; the reminder note still lay tucked underneath the silverware. /He didn't even come up to eat breakfast,/ Bagen noted, his eyes suddenly tearing.

Katang!

The plates made tinkling noises as he fervently scrubbed them, making sure that not even the slightest bit of food remained. As soon as the breakfast had been safely stored and the plates washed, Bagen grabbed the award and headed for the lab.

The lab was a large room at the bottom of a dark, winding stairway and sealed by a great iron door. The only access to it was a door hidden behind a tapestry in the furthest corner of the house. Only two people knew the access codes to the large iron door that was the entrance to the lab: Bagen and Ryogaku himself. Ryogaku valued his privacy, and his secrecy. 

Bagen normally entered the lab to bring his father's employer, Choukoumei, inside, or to assist his father in something since Ryogaku despised assistants. Other than those instances, he wasn't allowed in the lab. Today, however, he was going to enter without the said requirements. 

The large iron door to the lab loomed before him, dull gray in the meager light. 

/This is important,/ he reassured himself, /After all, it proves that I'm a genius, just like him. And, that I can work in the lab with him without being an interferance. And he had to have wanted to come to the ceremony. He's just been busy lately, since Choukoumei keeps requesting new inventions. He must have gotten involved in something and forgot./

Gathering his courage, he punched in the access code and entered .

The lab was a mess; broken beakers and corrugated metal lay in scattered heaps across the floor while the tables and shelves were filled with multitudes of bubbling liquids connected to each other by glass coils. Papers were scattered everywhere, some stained by wayward splashes of chemicals, and equations, some not yet solved, were scrawled all over the walls. Various machines zapped electricity out of anodes. Amidst the cacophony of bubbling and sparking was the unmistakable sound of Ryogaku's maniacal laughter as he fiddled with his latest creation.

/There he is!/ Bagen grinned nervously, catching sight of his father. He held the award tighter in his hand, heart beating faster as he imagined his father's face when he heard the good news, and approached him. "Poppa..."

"Bagen," Ryogaku snapped, barely glancing at his son. "I told you never to come down here!"

"But I have good news!"

"Really?" Ryogaku spared him a look over his shoulder. "What?"

"It's about school. I won-" Bagen stopped as his father glared at him.

"You interrupted an important experiment for news about your stupid school? I trained you better than that!"

"But Poppa-"

"Go back upstairs if you're not going to be of any use!" Ryogaku snapped, returning back to his latest craze. "And next time don't leave trash in my notebook!" he flung the ticket and invitation at Bagen.

"Yes, Poppa." Bagen numbly retrieved the ticket and invitation and left the lab. In a daze he walked to his room, the precious award crumpled in his tight fist.

Unlike the lab, Bagen's room was meticulously neat. Every tiny piece of paper had its place, and the desk gleamed from hours of polishing. Bagen slumped down on the bed, not disturbing the wrinkle free surface, and opened the certificate he had received. It was wrinkled and creased from his mishandling it. As he stared at the calligraphic words of praise, the voice of his headmaster haunted him. "You did a good job, lad. Your father would be proud of you."

Bagen's lips quirked into an ironic smile. "Liar." He tore the piece of paper in his hands to shreds, then dumped them in the wastebasket.

* * * 

Bagen frowned, chewing on the end of his pen. The paper in front of him had so many scratch marks over it, it was difficult to tell which set of numbers was the initial problem. /If x=6, then c must equal 126, and a is... negative./ He tossed his pencil down in frustration. /They have to add up right. I must be doing something wrong,/ He massaged his temples, staring at the initial problem. The formula in front of him had something to do with what Ryogaku was working on in the lab, and he seemed to be having trouble with it. Bagen was bright in math, if he managed to solve it, maybe Poppa would....

He shook his head. This was no time for distractions! Taking up his pencil again, Bagen prepared to calculate for the fifth time.

BO~NG. 

That was the doorbell. Ryogaku had insisted on having something ominous pealing through the house, rather than a cheery bell. He said it created atmosphere. The only thing Bagen thought it created was goosebumps along his arms. Sighing reluctantly, he hurried to answer it. 

He opened the door to complete darkness. Suddenly, a bright spotlight snapped on, nearly blinding him. He shaded his eyes and made out a silhouette poised dramatically underneath the spotlight. "Lord Choukoumei?" he asked, hesitantly.

"My dear Bagen, how delightful it is to see you!" Choukoumei smiled at him brilliantly, sparkles winking around his head. The Colgate smile turned into a slight frown when Choukoumei got a better look at him. "You do not look so well. Is something the matter?"

"Oh, no, no!" Bagen quickly grinned. "I'm fine. Sir."

"That is good. One must keep well, if one is to look one's best." Choukoumei struck another picturesque pose, the light hitting his best features. "Is your father in?"

"He's in the lab." Bagen opened the door wider to let him in. "Please follow me."

"I hear you've received an award," Choukoumei began conversationally, following Bagen. 

Bagen shrugged. "It wasn't anything special."

"Soon, perhaps you will surpass your father," Choukoumei gave him another sparkling grin, the stairwell now twinkling bright pinks and yellows.

"I doubt that," Bagen smiled wistfully before opening the metal door to the lab. "Poppa?" he called out.

"What is it now?!" Ryogaku nearly shrieked, spinning about in anger.

"You have a visitor."

"Ah, Lord Choukoumei." Ryogaku blinked uncertainly. He was never quite sure how to handle Choukoumei. In fact, no one really was. "Is there anything you want?"

Without answering, Choukoumei pranced into the room, hands spread wide as if expecting applause. "What marvelous creations you have in here!" He examined a beaker more closely. "And quite an interesting array of material as well."

"Wait 'til you see the Great Ryogaku's latest!" Ryogaku hustled Choukoumei over to a machine. "It's a beauty! I call it a--"

"As much as I enjoy traversing around your little lab, I'm afraid I have very serious news." Choukoumei placed a hand dramatically to his forehead. Atmospheric music accompanied the gesture.

"Oh?" 

"Have you heard of a sennin called 'Taikoubou?'"

"What's that? Some kind of animal?"

Choukoumei laughed. "How very clever with words you are! But, alas, he is not. He is Genshitenson's latest attempt to be rid of Dakki."

"And...? What does that have to do with the Great Ryogaku?"

"Since we are having problems, I thought to myself, 'whom can I turn to? Who can best help me out?' Then, it came to me to turn to a great genius, who creates marvelous machines. Namely," -he pointed towards Ryogaku and a spotlight snapped on- "you."

Ryogaku looked pleased with himself. "You want him to be dealt with then?"

"Well, yes, that was the plan. I was hoping you would use your paopei to deal with this... annoyance."

/Poppa has a paopei?/ Bagen thought as he sat down on a nearby stool, trying to look unobtrusive. He had read about the powerful weapons that the sennin used, but he had never actually seen one. He wondered what powers his father's paopei posessed. He also wondered if his father was a sennin. If he was, it sure would explain a lot... 

Ryogaku thought a moment, then his eyes lit up. "Of course. And, my brilliant genius has just created something that will help in this endeavor! Come this way."

"Wonderful!" Choukoumei clapped his hands together delightedly. "I knew I could count on you." He saw Bagen stand, about to follow, and turned to him with a smile. "I believe I could use some refreshments," he offered his teacup.

Bagen took it disappointedly and went to make tea. 

 

* * *

Bagen frowned at the lab coat. The stain stared back at him. "How can he create something that doesn't wash out?" he muttered, dunking it back into the washbucket for the third time. Ryogaku had been gone for nearly a week on that mission Lord Choukoumei had approached him about. The entire household was sparkling clean, save the lab, which Bagen had learned from experience never to touch. Bagen wondered when Ryogaku would get home.

As if in answer to his question, he heard the door slam shut in the hallway, followed by an angry grunt.

He's back! Bagen rushed out to greet him, anxious for news. "Poppa!" he called out, then stopped dead in his tracks at the angry look on Ryogaku's face. "What happened?"

"What do you think happened?! I lost! [1]" Ryogaku snarled, before fiercely turning away. Bagen followed behind, listening to his father's tirade. "The plan was fool-proof! Then that... thing flies out, unaffected! He destroyed my precious Zutsuu and all the rest! If only I could find a way...." He stalked away to the lab, leaving Bagen behind with his own thoughts.

Something was able to destroy Zutsuu? Bagen remembered his father's robotic army; he had been the model for their mechanics. They were made to be invincible, impervious even to sennin weaponry. If something was powerful enough to destroy them, then that something had to be even more powerful than a sennin itself.

He walked back to his washing, lost in thought. Now Poppa would lock himself up in the lab, furiously trying to create something to counteract that... whatever it was that got him so worked up. Something more powerful than a sennin? If it was a mere machine, then perhaps a human brain could defeat it. After all, a machine will only do as it is ordered, but a human brain can reason, perhaps figure out ways to locate a weak point. I could probably do it.

He glanced at himself in the mirror. He was thin, a body representing a life of study and cleaning rather than fighting. He doubted he could even crack the mirror should he punch it. 

He imagined himself with muscles, ones that could rival even the strongest Sennin that lived in Kintoukan. Muscles like that would take a lifetime of work in the gym, and practice with weapons, something that Bagen could not afford. But, Poppa was a scientist, surely there must be something...

Bagen suddenly grinned. Yes! This was it! He knew exactly how he could be of use to his father! Quickly, he ran down to the lab.

Ryogaku was alone among his mechanisms, pacing and muttering to himself, thinking only of the red-haired human paopei that had defeated him. Such power, such energy. If only he could control him. Or create his own.

The iron door swung open and Bagen rushed through, panting and flushed with happiness. He looks exactly like his mother after she was successful with her new medicine, Ryogaku thought wistfully. His features hardened. He was not going to be reminded of her, not after....

His sanity retreated behind the wall of madness that had been his sheild against such thoughts, and the thought that remained was, /He's not supposed to be here./ "What do you want?"

Bagen grinned. This was it. "Poppa, I want to be strong. Could you make me strong?"

Ryogaku blinked, considering for a moment, then an idea flashed in his brain. He smiled ferally. "Yes... I think the Great Ryogaku can do something for you..."

* * *

All he could feel was pain. A great burning fire shooting through his body, wrapping around his muscles as they contracted, squeezing and throbbing, burning agony.

"Poppa!" he cried out, his brain still unclouded enough to allow him to think. "Poppa, it hurts! Stop it, poppa, please... make it stop...!"

Through the haze of pain, he heard his father's curt reply, "There is always pain involved in these things! Grow up and take it like a man!"

There was more, but the voice faded to a mere whisper, drowning in darkness.

* * *

Bagen could feel his eyelids wrapped around his eyes, heavy masses like blankets. It would take a great effort to move them. His body felt heavy, blobish, as if he were contained within gel. He wanted to call out to his father, but even moving his lips was a concentrated effort. His tongue felt like lead in his mouth. With much effort, he managed to make a great groaning sound, like the pealing of the doorbell.

"Ah, you're awake at last." Bagen cracked an eye open to see his father, grinning madly like after one of his experiments was proved a success. He tried to open his mouth to speak, but his muscles refused to acknowledge him. He moaned a bit, his voice sounding harsh and raspy in his ears. "I've done it!" Ryogaku shouted, laughing madly. "My own human paopei! Let's see that Nataku win against this!"

Human... paopei? No, it couldn't be. It couldn't! 

He struggled to a sitting position, parts inside him shifting to places he didn't even know he had. "Poppa..." he gurgled, but his father was deaf to his words, only thinking of his success as he cavorted around the room. Bagen eased himself slowly off the operating table and headed towards the large mirror wedged in a corner of the room, noting that the floor seemed to be further away.

He froze as he saw himself.

What peered back at him was an oblong blob, pear shaped with large feet and drooping rabbit ears. Half his face resembled an overgrown baby's, with a slit eye and mouth shaped and tied in a perpetual frown. Out of the other half rose a large yin-yang ball, covering the rest of his face like an evil boil. /What has he done to me?/ 

/I'm a monster!/

Bagen stared mournfully at himself in the mirror. He wanted to cry, but the tears never came; whatever he had become had no tear ducts. Even that human expression had been denied him.

 

* * * 

It took him a few days to get used to his new body. His center of gravity had been shifted drastically, and moving in his large body was a very slow process. There were apparently all sorts of things his new body could do, but he concentrated on smashing with his arms. That required very little effort.

Poppa observed him constantly, making remarks, mostly encouraging, as he noted how well his creation was coming along. Bagen tried to be happy; after all, Poppa was spending time with him, but he hated this new body. He suddenly wished he hadn't been so rash. There could have been another way. 

One morning, as they were practicing using Bagen's rabbit ears as weapons, Lord Choukoumei arrived, with his usual flair. "What- how did you get in here?" Ryogaku demanded, whacking away one of the flying babies that zoomed too close to him. It blarted its trumpet at him before rushing off to bother Bagen.

Choukoumei shrugged and grinned at him, the sparkles surrounding him nearly blinding both scientist and creation. "I wanted to see how you were coming."

"But no one knows the access code except-!" 

"After that last failure of yours, I felt sure you were working on something ingenius to help us in our cause." He flashed a knowing smile at the livid Ryogaku, then brushed past him to admire Bagen. "Is this your new weapon?" He placed his fingers upon his chin, making a great show of studying Bagen thoroughly. "Very impressive," he murmured approvingly. "A tenfold improvement on your last design! Why, this is exactly the work of genius I expected from the Great Ryogaku!"

Bagen watched as his father's face change slowly from anger to indignance to pride as he digested his employer's words of praise. All questions of how Choukoumei had entered the lab were quickly forgotten as he excitedly detailed the various things Bagen could do, bringing out the charts and notes he had made during the week. As his father babbled away, the fat cherub buzzed around Bagen's head, blaring its one-note trumpet at various intervals.

"I knew I could count on you," Choukoumei smiled approvingly, flipping through the notes Ryogaku had handed to him. "But how will it do in battle?" 

The trumpeting cupid was really getting on Bagen's nerves. He swiped at it, squashing it into a mere stain on the wall.

"Look at that! See! See! It moves faster than anything imaginable!" Ryogaku boasted. "It is more than a match for that human paopei."

/It?/ Bagen thought despondently. 

"Excellent! I have news." Dramatic pause. "I have decided to take on Taikoubou myself!" A ball materialized and opened, streamers and confetti swirling about Choukoumei while triumphant music blasted in the background. 

"Taikoubou," Ryogaku's eyes blazed as if in a fever, drool ran unchecked down his chin. "I don't care about *him*, I want that cursed Nataku! If I could study him..."

"Of course, of course, I will give him to you." Choukoumei smiled. "If you can defeat him."

"You think the Great Ryogaku can't?!"

"I never said you couldn't, my dear man. But, Taikoubou is very tricky, and tends to avoid confrontation if possible. He needs a reason to come to battle. I have brought a little something to help persuade him." He snapped his fingers together. In a flash of light, two people materialized, bound hand and foot by ropes, eyes wide with fear. One was a beautiful woman, the other, an older man with a mustache. Bagen shrunk back into the shadows, not wanting to hear the shrieks of fear he knew would come after one look at him.

Ryogaku was confused. "What is this?" 

"The parents of the other human paopei, Nataku." 

/Other human paopei? There's someone else like me?/ Hope flared in Bagen's heart. Maybe he wasn't the only one who was suffering from this humiliation. The two prisoners didn't strike him as being scientists like his father, but one could never tell by looks.

Choukoumei glanced around the lab as if looking for something. "Where is your son?"

"Who?" Ryogaku blinked confusedly, and Bagen's heart sunk again.

/Me, Poppa./

"Bagen." Choukoumei held out his teacup. "He makes very good tea."

"Oh, Bagen!" Ryogaku leered proudly over his shoulder at his creation, which was desperately trying to hide in the shadows. "Right there!"

"The human paopei?" Choukoumei snapped his fingers and Bagen was blinded in white light. He hid his face, hoping that at least Choukoumei would allow him to keep some dignity. "He changed so much, I hardly recognized him." Choukoumei sparkled his Colgate smile at him. "How do you feel, lad?"

"He has no cognitive functions, so he can't answer you," Ryogaku interrupted before Bagen could speak. "His brain is like a maggot's... small, but very very obedient! Now at last he'll be of some use to me!" He laughed, almost maliciously. 

Bagen lowered his head, wishing Choukoumei would snap off his spotlight and leave him alone in the darkness. He wanted desperately to cry, to hide in a corner and bawl his eyes out as if he were a five-year old. But he couldn't. He could only stare stupidly and pant.

Choukoumei inspected him again, a dark gleam of satisfaction in his eyes. Bagen felt a chill run down his spine, and averted his eyes. "Can he guard our prisoners while we speak of my plan?"

"Of course!" Ryogaku stood directly in Bagen's view to bark his orders. "Bagen! Guard the prisoners! Hear me? Guard the prisoners!"

Bagen nodded. 

"Good lad," Choukoumei wrapped a congenial arm around Ryogaku and led him further into the lab to discuss the plans.

Bagen stared at Nataku's parents, who stared right back at him, a mixture of fear and horror on their faces. He dropped down next to them, and glared intimidatingly. "Go nowhere," he rasped.

He expected them to tremble in fear and cower. He did not expect tears from the woman's eyes. Nor did he expect her to say, "You poor dear. What did they do to you?"

"You not scared?" Bagen leaned over , giving her the full effect of his ugly face.

"Dear! Stay back!" the man shrieked, inching closer to her in an effort to protect her. "It's a monster! There's no telling what it will do!"

"Don't be silly," she snapped back. "He's no monster." She looked at Bagen gently. "No monster would have such a sad look in his eyes. He's a human paopei, just like our Nataku."

"There is no way Nataku is anything like that!" the man frowned, glaring at Bagen. "He may be a human paopei, but he's nothing like that!"

"How would you know? You rarely spend any time with him!"

"He tried to kill me!"

"Whose fault was that?"

Bagen settled down in a comfortable position and watched them bicker about their son. The woman reminded him of his own mother, or at least how he thought his mother should have been; protective and loving. He could barely remember her, she was only a fuzzy memory of warmth and love engraved in his mind. The man reminded him of his father, before the madness had claimed him; commanding and unapproachable. He claimed to hate his son, but his arguements were tinted with a hint of pride. Jealous probably, but also loving, in his own way. It must be nice to have parents who care for you, he thought, a smile tugging at his lips at the half-hearted argument.

Realization hit him like a ton of ice; cold and hard.

His father didn't love him.

He looked towards his father, intently listening to all Choukoumei was telling him. Not once, in all the years they had lived alone together, had he heard a single word of praise from his father. Not a thank you. Not a kind word. Nothing. And even when he spoke about him, it was as though Bagen were a mere stooge, a helper who cleaned the house and got in the way of very important experimentations. 

He had known, he had always known. He just never wanted to believe. He thought, something will change, if I just change, if I do this, if I do that, something will come of it. He'll love me. I know it.

He had changed. He was now what his father wanted him to be: a monster, stripped of every last ounce of humanity his father could take from him. A servant. An obedient servant. 

And still his father didn't love him.

Bagen wanted to cry for the second time that day, then mentally slapped himself for the yearning. No, you have to be strong, he chided himself. You can't be weak, not now. If you defeat the human paopei, then maybe... just maybe... 

* * *

Bagen clung to the rafters, lying in wait for Nataku to arrive [2]. His tummy felt odd with the woman inside it. She was sleeping comfortably; he was aware only of that. Nataku's father was encased in a gigantic hourglass, the sand pouring on his head counting the minutes to his death. Ryogaku lounged in a chair, tapping his fingers out of restless boredom. "He should be here any minute," he muttered over and over.

Finally, the red-haired human paopei made his appearance, zooming into the chamber.

Bagen sank into despair. He looked human. Shaking himself out of his gloom, he readied himself. This was it, the big test. When he defeated Nataku, then Poppa would realize that Bagen wasn't worthless. After that....

The fight ensued quickly. At his father's cue, Bagen lept off the ceiling to assault Nataku, who dodged just in time. Bagen swung wildly at him, hoping to score a direct hit, but Nataku zoomed around him, expertly evading Bagen's flailing arms. Bagen was fast and strong, but, he realized as Nataku fired and destroyed one of his arms, it wasn't enough. He had never been trained to fight, something which his strength and agility could not compensate for. Another shot from Nataku disarmed him, and Bagen was a helpless target in the middle of the floor.

He had failed. 

The only thing left was to die; to remove himself from the world so that he would no longer be a burden to Poppa. He stood, waiting for the death blow.

It never came. Nataku hovered in front of him instead, dissatisfied. "You aren't fighting at your full strength!"

Of course. He had Nataku's mother inside him; Nataku was not going to kill him. It was probably the reason he was still breathing. Bagen stood for a moment in thought; Nataku and his father both glared at him to hurry up and continue. Finally, he asked, "Are you really a human paopei?" 

Nataku snorted disdainfully. "Yes."

"Show me." /Prove to me that you are really what they say you are. Prove to me that you are a monster./

/And that your parents still love you./

With a few muttered curses, Nataku pulled open his chest. Within the rib cage was not a beating heart, but a yin-yang ball, exactly the same as the horrible growth on Bagen's face. "So, it's true," he said, almost to himself. "I'm not the only one."

Bagen felt weary. He was tired. So very tired of trying to be useful, trying to please his father, trying to be the perfect son. Tired of constantly failing. Tired of being alone.

Bagen reached inside himself and extracted Nataku's mother, placing her in her son's arms. "Kill me," he rasped. "Please."

Before the stunned Nataku could say anything, Bagen felt a sharp pain in his face, where the yin-yang boil grew. He wondered vaguely what it was, since he had no arms left to either pull it out or feel what it was. His father was laughing maniacally, a syringe gun still smoking in his hand. /No...!/

/Oh yes,/ his father's eyes gleamed triumphantly as he shouted, "I planned for this contingency, young Bagen!" 

/No, Poppa, please, just let me die. I can't do any more. I can't./

His body exploded, bones and muscles melding into new places, reshaping into something new. 

The metamorphosis was thankfully quick; Bagen didn't even find the time to scream in agony. His center of gravity had shifted yet again, and he had somehow sprouted new arms. Perhaps this new body was faster than the old one, but for now Bagen could do nothing except crawl. It would take time to get used to his new body; time he wasn't going to be given.

He heard, as if through a fog, his father, yelling triumphantly that Bagen should have no cognizant thoughts. Only one objective. Obedience.

No, no matter what Poppa said, he had left Bagen his mind. His memory. His realization of just what he was: a former human, a former son. A failure. He grabbed at Nataku with lightning-quick reflexes, words changing to soft moans as his sewn-together lips wouldn't form what he wanted to say.

/Please understand!/ he thought, squeezing Nataku with force, trying to communicate. /Please understand!/

He felt wetness down his face. Tears. Tears of frustration, pain, loneliness. The tears he never cried, the tears he had held back ever since Mother's funeral. Nataku's image blurred in wetness, and Bagen's grip slacked. /I don't want to live like this./

He heard Nataku's voice. "You want to die, Bagen?"

Yes. 

"I'll make it painless."

Light flooded his eyes. It would soon be over. 

Nataku had been true to his word; there was no pain. At least not physically. He heard his father, as if in a dream, cursing him for not being perfect, for not meeting his expectations. He hadn't the strength left to apologize. 

It was like dropping off to sleep; conversations took place around him, words fluttering around him like useless sounds.

Something was wrong. He pulled himself away from the blissful darkness, straining to form the sounds around him into words. 

"This will infect even a human paopei!" His father, followed by laughter. 

It took a moment for the words to sink in. Poppa was going to kill Nataku. 

No! 

Using the last of his strength, Bagen managed to raise his hand and drop it on his father, perhaps killing him instantly. He felt nothing; if there was to be retribution in the next life, so be it. Nataku was loved; it would be wrong to take him away from his family.

Still, feeling guilty, he tried to explain at least to Nataku why, but the words changed. His mouth betrayed him and the story of his life spilled out instead; his hopes, his dreams. All he had wanted was for his father to love him, everything he did was geared towards that purpose. And he had failed.

As his strength began to leave him, he heard Nataku's voice, not the words, but the meaning. 

I understand. 

Bagen smiled. So he really wasn't alone.

He exhaled softly, and allowed the waiting darkness to claim him.

 

**************************************************************************

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Notes:  
> This was written after I'd read the Japanese version of the manga, so I translated Bagen's use of "otousan" as Poppa, mostly because I felt it appropriate. I think the official English language translation has him say 'father' or something like that.
> 
> [1] Ryogaku is talking about his failed attempt to infect Taikoubou's army with a deadly Virus. Book 8.
> 
> [2] This is the fight that takes place at the end of tome 9 and the beginning of tome 10. I've left out some of the conversations that aren't pertinent to the story (such as Taikoubou's and Taiitsu's commentary) and focused mainly on Bagen. 
> 
> This is just my attempt at flushing out a minor character in the Houshin Engi universe. The end of the fight touched me, and Bagen has never left me since.


End file.
